more often i do think of you and i wish im in the computer so i can blog what i am thinking or what i do remember.
today driving to work i was thinking of you and it hurts how it feels that i will never see you again. i wish to see you. there are too many moments that i want to share with you. there were news about avell, krispin, kerks or what noel cooked for me that i want to share with you, it is very exciting if i know that i cant wait to tell you but you are gone. i am still excited to tell friends but its different.
i remember when i gave birth to avell. i was keeping her name for so long, thought of it month of may 2008 and gave birth october. i cant wait to tell you what her name is, i kept that name until i gave birth and i promise myself that i will tell it to you 1st. i know you will be excited - you will understand and as i thought you will feel that you have hold her next to you when you 1st heard avell.
krispin is one who never fail to make me feel he loves me everyday. i cant count on my finger how many times he will say 'i love you so much' not just i love you but there is always the so much.
kerks is different na, we were even planning to visit philippines kahit sya lang to visit you but now you're gone. im still trying to discuss with him na at least kahit sya bumisita sa pinas. kung sya lang i can afford it. you will be surprise sana everyone is.
something bad happened to me late last year. i was in a long week of anger and depression. but after the anger and depression i feel i am relieved, happy in fact not to the point that im happy that someone will be carrying guilt of sin (maybe for a lifelong) noh, iam not happy about that. i am happy because i knew that i will not be breathing of that unpleasant air of depression, that i will not be angry anymore.
i even cry when i feel the freedom, the relief of that feeling for 8 long years. no more humiliation, no more thinking what ive said and not will not please her, the chain of that suffering is over. the undirect hurtful words that i hear over and over again will no longer haunt me. for that i thank God above sincerely, its good to be free.
what i was thinking today and most of those days though is you, when i am crying over it. we will be walking hand in hand sa neighborhood saying hello to your friends while talking about it. i could have told you everything, you will share my pain and my courage at the same time - for that i misses you so much.
i did say and felt the pain of other and learned this quote: it is bitter to taste your own medicine and even too painful if you injected it to yourself.
