my children

it's been a long time when i felt like this, waiting for your kid to get better, scared.  the first time was when i picked-up kerks in a high fever, he was just less than a year old. i rushed him in a hospital while i hold him like a vegetable in a cab.  i am so scared, he doesnt move, look or anything. luckily at the hospital i met my regular doctor who attended with him right away. he gave kerks a shot and we were sent home.  it took days that i was staring at him all the time not remembering what i am thinking, just the feeling.  i never want to be away from him, i remember that.

now its avell. i hardly say a word to anyone, i dont even want to talk what happened to her to anyone. i am constantly next to her, watching every move she make to protect her injured arm.  its now the 2nd night that iam loosing sleep - feel like a week - watching the time - watching avell - staring her in her sleep.  iam waiting for the time when we get to bring her to an orthopedic doctor. seems like forever.

with krispin. i refuse to plan anything on a weekend - hes constantly sick of colds/flu and often times fever.  i do not expect him that he will be sick why iam not planning - but i remember that i dont plan anything so i can be with him.  it came to the point that i loose sleep no matter what i do, krispin needs to be with me and only then i will fall asleep.

family is amazing. makes you realize how far you can do without question, without thinking, you are always there whoever needs you most.

sweety is different. he watched in the corner of his eyes, seeing everything -  not saying a word. always an inch away from anyone whose about to fall, whose ready to carry you anytime there now, lift your spirit, makes you laugh and at that precise moment you did forget - that you are sick - or you were depress - it is now depressed - and no longer are.

family!