abigail

nay,
i kept forgetting to post what your apo wrote as her basic info sa Facebook, I am impress - so here goes:

Esther Abigail Villarba:

I'm 21... and forever young :)
I am the moodiest person you'll ever meet. :) :(
God will always be my first love.
My girl friends are my diamonds
I am an impatient dentistry student
I have the best family in the world ♥
My dad, he is my money-ger
My mom is my kumare
I am lola's baby girl, sadly she passed away :'(
I look up to Hazel, I care for Joy, I want to be a good ate to Joel
Manila is my home, but Gapo is my love
Shorts and skirts are my best friend
Only a minute would take you to get close with me
I always see to it that i have the most updated songs in my Ipod, I don't want to be left out when it comes to music...
I cannot leave home w/out my Ipod
Music feeds my soul
I super love net surfing ♥
I always ask money for current issue magazines
I extremely love cooking!
(pero hindi p ko ready magasawa)
Sometimes I am big, sometimes I am small, but whatever it is I must love my body
If you feel beautiful, flip the hair
I super hate plastics, social climbers and those persons who-are-not-true to themselves
I disgust imitators
I heart shopping, if and only if I have money!
I can't stop collecting almost everything
I am the girl who always got nothing to wear but her closet is full of clothes!
I am a very sensitive person
I am a laugher
I can laugh extremely but with no sound at all
My only talent is solving a rubix cube
And I think I am talentless
I am a diva in my own element
If I get mad, I really go gaga
Whatever you're dreams are, take the risk!
Miracles happen when you believe!

Smiles make my gloomy days bright
Love makes it brighter.. ♥

Honestly, I am a boring person but
There's way too much stuff to know about me
I would love to be your friend

Because I was bored beyond belief

So i fill up this info

And if you are done reading this, then wow maybe you were just as bored as I am!

Toodles! ♥

"smile :) and love ♥"

Pakwan & Dining with Palma

And the season begun, pakwan everywhere which reminds me an old story dining with Palma.

Dining with Palma is a must at an age of teen's and younger specially if its Tatay whose cooking the meal. Which of course, is a feast richful taste. Table must be set, dining plates, spoon & fork in its place, glass full of water and desert prepared, cut in pieces from seasoned fruits, i mean fresh cut fruits. Not baked, pies, merengues, fruit salad or something of a kind.

I cant remember what's the main course, as we call it now but i do remember the watermelon cut into pieces. We are enjoying the 'pakwan' at this time and i started the story ....

A woman in stall saw the sample of 'pakwan', red and ravishing to its peak. looks tasteful and in a good quality. She wanted to sample what she picked but was refused (see footnote below).  Anyway, without a doubt the woman bought from the same stall and all in trust from the red and ravishing sample, paid and place the heavy pakwan in her basket. 

Along the way going back home, walking with raw vegies, meats and deserts for the weekend, the woman almost got hit! the poor pakwan rolled over the road and broke into half. after the womans recovery from the shock, she picked up the watermelon and walk back to where she bought it. devastated, complaining and screaming to the tip of her lungs she was shouting with the man who sold the pakwan on why what she bought is not as red and ravising from the sample on the stall. 

the man asked what happened as the watermelon was in half so the woman explained that she almost got hit and the watermelon rolled on the road. the man said, "that's why its not as red and ravishing even I myself who'll encounter such an accident will turn out white too! so dont blame me."

Tatay who never laugh out loud often, almost lost his false teeth laughing out loud - 'dining with Palma.'

footnote: One golden rules in Philippine market, unless you sample the same piece you will be forced to buy it though you will not be satisfied to what it will be, you have no choice.

On Children

I remember this poem, and once read to you. You laugh out loud while I was reading it:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.

As of today, I can recite the above from heart because I do remember how I make you laugh. I pick that poem up and intentionally read it to you, we are constantly in argument of something, nothing and something again. but life goes on and no doubt about it. it's funny when i used to use it specially when we are arguing simply.

i miss those moments ..... children!

kerks grad

i now know one can be like you holding that moment. never want to miss the day. preparing yourself for the 2hours ceremony that seemed waited for so long. kerks is so happy and so as me. i have seen how he cherished the success, i have seen how proud he is and sincerely thankful that MOTHER is there with him.

lav yah 'nay - always.

lucky it is

how lucky one can be when you can run your fingers to your childs hair at anytime, when you can kiss their sleeping cheeks and hear the sounds of their sleeps. when you can hear them calling you, needing you all the time though there is none that they want but just be with you, see you.

lucky it is ....

reading glass

you have once asked me for a reading glass and you are grabbing anything you can see from me, frames that i dont use. at that time i hesitate to pay attention to any of it. i know nothing about it to contribute further but now understood how convenient it is to have one. if ive only known, i would have got you a new one with string and anything that goes with it.

how i wish i can take care of you now ... i love you so much! lina

thinking of you

more often i do think of you and i wish im in the computer so i can blog what i am thinking or what i do remember.

today driving to work i was thinking of you and it hurts how it feels that i will never see you again. i wish to see you. there are too many moments that i want to share with you. there were news about avell, krispin, kerks or what noel cooked for me that i want to share with you, it is very exciting if i know that i cant wait to tell you but you are gone. i am still excited to tell friends but its different.

i remember when i gave birth to avell. i was keeping her name for so long, thought of it month of may 2008 and gave birth october. i cant wait to tell you what her name is, i kept that name until i gave birth and i promise myself that i will tell it to you 1st. i know you will be excited - you will understand and as i thought you will feel that you have hold her next to you when you 1st heard avell.

krispin is one who never fail to make me feel he loves me everyday. i cant count on my finger how many times he will say 'i love you so much' not just i love you but there is always the so much.

kerks is different na, we were even planning to visit philippines kahit sya lang to visit you but now you're gone. im still trying to discuss with him na at least kahit sya bumisita sa pinas. kung sya lang i can afford it. you will be surprise sana everyone is.

something bad happened to me late last year. i was in a long week of anger and depression. but after the anger and depression i feel i am relieved, happy in fact not to the point that im happy that someone will be carrying guilt of sin (maybe for a lifelong) noh, iam not happy about that. i am happy because i knew that i will not be breathing of that unpleasant air of depression, that i will not be angry anymore.

i even cry when i feel the freedom, the relief of that feeling for 8 long years. no more humiliation, no more thinking what ive said and not will not please her, the chain of that suffering is over. the undirect hurtful words that i hear over and over again will no longer haunt me. for that i thank God above sincerely, its good to be free.

what i was thinking today and most of those days though is you, when i am crying over it. we will be walking hand in hand sa neighborhood saying hello to your friends while talking about it. i could have told you everything, you will share my pain and my courage at the same time - for that i misses you so much.

i did say and felt the pain of other and learned this quote: it is bitter to taste your own medicine and even too painful if you injected it to yourself.